Flawless When You're Pretending
by Gryffindorkchick
Summary: Harry, Ron and Hermione have been best friends for several years now. After the prophecy had been told to Harry at the end of term last year, Harry has tried to remain very isolated from everyone...including Ron and Hermione: REST OF SUMMARY IN CHP1
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Harry, Ron and Hermione have been best friends for several years now. After the prophecy had been told to Harry at the end of term last year...Harry has tried to remain very isolated from everyone...including Ron and Hermione...is the prophecy the only the only thing keeping him that way...?

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not own any of the characters of Harry Potter….they belong to the brilliantly magnificent J.K.R

Chapter 1

The sky was cloudy and the sun was trying extremely hard to break through the thick black clouds of London and Harry had some very mixed feelings as he awoke on the morning of going back to Hogwarts. First of all he was quite relieved he was getting out of this bloody hell hole at Privet Drive. On another thought, he would be returning to the wizarding world, returning to more stares...more false friendships...more people pretending they were on his side all along...more questions...questions were what he feared the most.

Harry got out of bed and began to pack...usually he would have been packed at LEAST a few days before he was due to be back...but this time...his heart just wasn't in it.

At least at the Dursleys nobody questioned him about Voldemort, The Ministry of Magic mission...and...Sirius. Sirius was still an extremely touchy subject for Harry. Since of course nobody even knew of Sirius at the Dursleys, nor cared that Harry was even less talkative than usual...more distant... more depressed...it was good and bad that he hadn't spoken of him since that day. He really should have had someone to talk to about it... get his burning guilt and sadness off his chest...but then again...he couldn't bare it...then it would make it more real...he just didn't want to think about that. Not quite yet. Sixth year sure was going to be a tough one...he could already feel it.

Little did he know just how tough it was going to be...not just about classes or even Sirius...

As Harry was packing things into his trunk he heard a slight tapping on his window and knew immediately it was that of an owls. He rushed over to the window and threw it open as Pigwigdeon came hooting by. He dropped the letter on Harry's bed as he landed gracefully on Harry's shoulder. He nipped Harry's thumb so Harry reached into his back pocket for a treat and sat him next to Hedwig in her cage. As Harry opened the letter a feeling of surprise rushed over him. It was a birthday card...he had totally forgotten about his birthday. "I forgot my 'sweet sixteen' " he mumbled...then he gave a bitter laugh as he thought...'yeah really sweet'. Opening the letter as he figured... of course it was from Ron.

_Dear Harry,_

_I do hope your break was alright mate...I am sure it was hell living with those damn muggles of yours...but I wanted to say Happy Birthday all the same...we will really celebrate it when you get back to school...heh heh...you'll see later..._

Harry got a puzzled look on his face...'what in Merlin's name could that mean...'

_but right, anyways, sorry this is a bit late...and if you haven't gotten anything from Hermione...don't take it too hard...she's been having some family trouble this break...which is all she really told me...bloody hate that about her...never gives a straight answer unless its on a test...but anyways hope you enjoy your gift...there will be an even better one when we get back to school...heh...see you soon Harry..._

_Ron_

Harry actually smiled a bit at the fact that Ron was still bickering about Hermione even though she wasn't even present...not a full smile mind you...just a tad. He popped one of the chocolate frogs Ron had sent him for his birthday in his mouth.

'Well that's odd I wonder what he has in store for me when we get back to school'...thought Harry as a little bit of excitement filled him...

'NO!' he actually said out loud as he slammed the chocolate frog wrapper and Ron's letter down on his desk...He would NOT be happy right now...he could not be that disrespectful to Sirius...even though he knew in the back of his mind Sirius would have wanted him to be happy...to feel something again.

Then he began to worry...he sure hoped Hermione was alright...he felt a bit of guilty pleasure that he might be able to finally take his mind off of his own problems and perhaps help with someone else's...if she would actually tell him...

"HARRY! GET YOUR LAZY ARSE DOWN HERE NOW! I MEAN IT! I WANT TO HURRY UP AND LEAVE BEFORE THE NEIGHBORS SEE YOU HAUL THAT MASSIVE TRUNK AND WRETCHED BIRD OUT OF THE HOUSE! THEY ARE COMING OVER FOR TEA TODAY! GET ALONG! MOVE IT"

Harry cringed...'Well' he thought 'At least I won't have to deal with this for awhile...'

Sighing he grabbed his trunk and the owl cage and began to drag them and himself down the stairs to leave for platform nine and three quarters.

XxX

This is my first story! Please be nice and please review! I really appreciate it! It does get better as the chapters go on...as I get more comfortable with it...I am also editing a few things throughout the story. Thanks for your time guys!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not own any of the characters of Harry Potter; they belong to the brilliantly magnificent J.K.R

A/N: Lately I have had a butt load of work to do for school….and it appears it will be a long, hard semester…so I will update as often as I can…please bare with me and keep reviewing….thanks to all who reviewed…that totally made my night…because I was having a horrible one! you rock….and now on with the show…

Chapter 2

Hermione heard her parents screaming at each other in the next room as she was checking her trunk to make sure she had all of her new books, quills, ink and parchment.

…I cannot WAIT to get out of here so I don't have to listen to THIS for awhile… she thought bitterly to herself.

She was more than ready to go back to Hogwarts though she was extremely worried about Harry…knowing full well he had not spoken to anyone about anything over the summer. She hoped he would tell her…even if it meant him screaming at her out of anger. All she wanted was for him to get it off his chest…for him to vent…let it all out…so it was not all pent up inside of him. It was so typical of him, she knew for sure he would keep it all inside so he wouldn't draw more attention to himself…ah so modest…and he never wants anyone to worry about him. "He can handle everything himself"….typical male….typical Harry…even though she knew he was not doing it out of "pig- headedness…" like most guys their age….because Harry was not like most guys their age…he had to grow up fast…he has to act like a 40 year old man in a sixteen year olds body…..

"SIXTEEN!" Hermione exclaimed…she had totally forgotten about his birthday! How selfish of me….perhaps Harry would understand…..

"Hermione…" her dad called to her. "Your mother and I would like to discuss something with you."

This is it… she thought numbly to herself. She dragged her way into her parent's bedroom.

Hermione sluggishly walked into her parent's room which was quite uncharacteristic of her….she looked around….remembering when she was little how her and her mother would sit in THAT chair over by the window and her mom would read to her stories about Merlin and witches and wizards and magic saying to her…. "That will be you one day sweetheart…" Hermione had no clue what she was talking about then…but she had been absolutely right….

"Sweetie…" her mother said snapping Hermione out of her reminiscent thoughts

"Your father and I have been discussing this…"

"No, actually you have been yelling at each other and screaming…" Hermione pointed out matter of factly.

"Watch your mouth Hermione…." her dad replied warningly…..he could always make her feel like a child even though she was 16 already…she was so fed up with this. Fed up with people telling her what to do…fed up of trying to be perfect….she ignored the tears stinging in her eyes and refused to let them fall.

"SO..." her mother continued impatiently, "We were thinking it would be best for the family to…"

This is it…they're getting a divorce…. A large hole formed in Hermione's stomach causing her to be over come with a wave of nausea.

"For the family to move away from here to America…." her mother finished briskly

Hermione gaped at her in shock, "Excuse me?"

Her emotions were battling within her relief washed over her when she realized they weren't getting a divorce but at the same time panic struck her heart…..but moving….

"M-moving..?" she asked in disbelief

" I-I thought you were divorcing…."

"Whatever gave you THAT idea?" asked her father

Hmm maybe the nights that you have kept me awake all night with your screaming…

"Erm…nothing…but why… why are we moving?"

"Well…" her father began, "With You-Know-Who on the lose I think we should get as far away from the situation as possible…."

"But…but what about Harry? And Ron? And Hogwarts…?" Hermione could not believe this was happening….. She began to think guiltily maybe a divorce would have been better….

"You'll make new friends dear…and you can begin school in America. It won't be hard for you to fit in…as bright as you are…you'll make friends in an instant…"

Hermione let the tears begin to fall now…she just convinced herself over the past three years that Ron and Harry really did like her…and did think of her as a friend…not a know it all…she had found friendship…loyal good friendship at last…this cannot be happening….

"Dad we can't…." Hermione lost it….. "I CAN'T…I DON'T WANT TO MOVE! I WANT TO STAY! I WANT TO BE THERE FOR HARRY! I WANT TO HELP HIM! THEY NEED ME!"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" her father lost it as well… "IT IS NOT YOUR BATTLE TO FIGHT!"

"BUT IT MIGHT NOT EVEN BE HARRY'S AND IF IT IS HE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DO IT ALONE! HE'S MY BEST FRIEND!" Hermione started sobbing…

"I am so sorry Hermione…"

"NO! I AM NOT LEAVING! I WILL STAY WITH RON! I WILL DO ANYTHING!"

"Honey..." her mother said to her husband…. "Maybe we should give her a choice…"

Her father sighed…Hermione's stomach gave a lurch of hope…

"Alright…here is your choice…" her father began… "We can leave now…which would be the smarter thing…the safer thing to do…."

Or…..

Hermione shut her eyes tight holding her breath

"We will let you finish out this year….only to tie up any loose ends with Ron, Harry, and any of your other friends...and so we can have time to really search the schools in America to see where would be best for you to attend."

Hermione opened her eyes….and thought long and hard with tears streaming down her face….

Since when was she…a Gryffindor…who was known for courage, bravery, and loyalty…..when was a Gryffindor known to back down and run when things got bad….and leave their friends…. Perhaps she could take this year to talk them into staying….

"Give me this year…" she said sternly. "Please…" she added as an afterthought.

Her parents sighed clearly thinking she had made the wrong choice….

"Alright then…" her father said "Let's get you on that train for your final year…."

We'll see about that…. Hermione thought as she went back to her room to get her things.

XxX

Please read and REVIEW! Thanks so much!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of his buddies :o(

A/N: Thank you sooo much to all who reviewed! I really appreciate it! It motivates me so much more to write!

Also, I know his birthday is in July...notice his letter said sorry I know it is a bit late...and I am changing Dracos comment about Sirius...I knew what I meant to say but I typed something else...Sorry Also, I am going to attempt to make it easier to read/follow

Chapter 3

Harry and Hermione and Ron arrived at platform 9 and 3/4's around the same time. They all exchanged hugs though Ron's to Hermione's lasted a little bit longer than usual. Harry didn't really take much notice but Hermione did...she slowly tried to peel him off of her.

"Really, Ron...you act like you haven't seen me in ages."

Blushing Ron stammered, "You...you're the one who went to hug me first!"

Sighing exhasperatedly Hermione rolled her eyes and smiled at Harry who was not smiling but looking off. He did not really seem like he was all there.

"Harry?" Hermione touched his shoulder. He jumped with a start and turning red for his obvious revelation that he had not been paying attention he muttered,

"Let's get a good seat on the train so we can all sit together..." Then as an afterthought to appear as though he was alright he added, "And don't worry Ron I wont sit by you so you and Hermione can sit together."

Ron began sputtering and Hermione said " Oh Harry please..." as Harry flashed both of them an evil grin...Hermione noticed that even though he was grinning his eyes still looked dead. Even their vibrant green color did not seem as vibrant any longer... Needless to say Hermione sat beside Harry on the train ride there not to cause any more akwardness than was already present. Ron snuck dirty looks to Harry.

They tried to have conversation but it almost always ended up with just Hermione and Ron talking. Harry noticed Hermione was not as cheerful as usual and he had wanted to ask why but not in front of Ron. Also he felt as though he could barely keep his eyes open. Harry looked like he hadn't slept for days. He had black under his eyes. He also kept nodding off on the train as he looked out the window but Hermione noticed just as he seemed as though he finally nodded off to sleep he would jerk awake and look around wildly. After doing this for the third time Harry announced,

"I'm going to just go on a walk for a bit around the train...I'll be right back" and with that Harry was gone.

XxX

There was an awkward silence briefly between Ron and Hermione and she finally just came out and said,

"Ron if you like me just tell me so, because I really love you as a brother but right now I do not want a boyfriend...the problems I have been having at home may cause me to no longer be here anymore and I am afraid to get attached to anyone and I am sorry..." Blushing furiously Hermione looked down at her hands. She had hoped she made the right assumption as to the odd way he had been acting and she wanted to get it out in the open as soon as possible.

Ron of course just gaped at her with his mouth open.

"Er..I uh...okay." was all he spit out. "How did she know?" he thought to himself.

Feeling like a bitch Hermione said softer this time, "Ron I really am sorry and I really do love you as my brother and my best friend and I don't know where I would be without a friend like you..." and she smiled at him. Ron just glared at her and Hermione sighed.

"Really Ron you should close your mouth!" she spat.

Snapping it shut and kind of relieved it was all over, Ron offered her a chocolate covered frog and she accepted graciously. She was starving. She had not eaten much over the last few days because she was so worried about her parents.

"So why would you not be here Hermione?" Ron asked suddenly realizing what she was saying after the initial shock.

"They think it would be much safer since V-Voldemort has returned...Ron will you please not cringe! We must get over this.."

"But you cant leave..." Ron began sadly... "You're my best friend and I..." he gulped "I...um...don't know what I would do without you..." He couldn't. She meant so much to him, not only because she was his best friend...but he felt as though he could say he truly loved her...though he could not say it just yet. Especially since she had basically told him off.

"What, you would actually have to write your own essays in potions?" she smirked at him snapping him out of it as he proceeded to throw a chocolate covered frog wrapper at her.

"Hey Hermione", Ron asked, "Is Harry acting different to you...?"

Hermione shook her head, "Yes...but we figured this would happen...we just have to be there for him and not try to pry anything out of him he does not want to talk about...you know how he is..."

"Yeah..." Ron muttered "At least I used to...now he just seems like a totally different person."

XxX

Harry was wondering around the train and he saw Malfoy in one of the rooms. He tried to walk faster not wanting to deal with confrontation and then he heard the dreaded voice...

"Well, well if it isn't POTTER!"

"Just shut the fuck up Malfoy..."

"OoO Potter now has a potty mouth...why so angry...it couldn't be that you're all alone...once again...one more filthy muggle lover...dead and gone...and everyone will be talking about you behind your back all year...like last year...oh and like every year before that."

For once, Harry did not retaliate. When he mentioned the fact that Sirius was dead he just froze. He stared at him as the pit formed in his stomach.

"What... got nothing to say Potter?" Malfoy sneered. "Looking mighty pale there...awww did I hurt Potter's feelings? I thought you were supposed to be strong! The "Boy Who Lived"...turned out to be a..."

Before Draco had a chance to finish, Harry turned around and walked back to Ron and Hermione's seats. He did not even get to see the surprised and utterly astonished look on Malfoy's face as Harry was walking away.

"Did he just let me get away with that? What is with him?" Confused at whether or not he should go punch Harry in the face just to get a rise out of him the train had stopped and they had arrived at Hogwarts.

"What the bloody hell..." Malfoy pondered. Apparently Hermione was not the only one who noticed a difference in Harry.

XxX

When Harry arrived back to his seat Hermione and Ron collectively gasped.

"Harry!" Hermione whispered..."Are you alright? You look so pale..."

"And green around the edges..." Ron added.

Hermione looked at Ron as if he were a blast ended skrewt.

"Oh...I just got motion sickness that's all..." Harry looked away and shakily said, "Well lets get our things we don't want to be late for the feast." And with that the three of them got off the train together.

XxX

After the feast, Ron's little celebration seemed to cheer Harry up just a little bit. He had brought a ton of butter beer and after a few bottles Harry began to feel quite warm and everything looked a little fuzzy. He felt so comfortable that even though the party was going on around him he soon sunk into a chair and fell asleep...he did so easily due to the fact he had not been sleeping much this summer. Soon Harry felt like he was spinning into darkness...and the darkness enveloped him like a warm blanket...things began to come into focus and Harry was soon walking through a grave yard...and he heard a voice...

'Kill the spare...'

Harry jerked awake with a yell and jumped from the chair. Everyone was staring at him.

"Heh..wow this butter beer sure makes you have to...you know...um... GO!"

With that humiliating statement Harry ran up to the bathrooms cursing himself for what he said under his breath. Harry washed his face in cold water...his scar was searing with pain. He came back down to the party and realized everyone was looking at him funny. He crept over to the seat by the window sill and sat down. Not knowing what to do to get their eyes off of him, Harry raised his glass and said,

"Cheers!" as happily as he could force and everyone shouted "Here, Here!"

They all guzzled it down...except for Harry who only pretended to be doing so. The smell was now making him sick and the effects of it had worn off as soon as he had woken up from his nightmare. Nobody really noticed but Ron and Hermione that Harry did not seem to be partaking in the festivities at his own party...they were just having too great of a time. He just stared out the window and reassured Ron and Hermione that he was alright just tired. Hermione began to leave soon after asking Harry for the thousandth time whether he was sure he did not want to participate. She was not feeling much like partying anymore anyway. She kept thinking to herself... "This is the last time I will be with my friends like this again." Then she looked at Harry. "What if it is him who must kill the Dark Lord. What if it is up to him." She could not let him go alone. She had to be there for him...she just had to. Harry had caught her staring at him and he smiled the first genuine smile he had all day. Blushing Hermione grinned and looked down as she tucked a curl behind her ear. Harry got another warm feeling in his stomach though he had not taken another sip of butter beer. He felt shocked at this and just shook it off. Hermione went over to him.

"I believe I am going to go on to bed, I am very tired and you look as though you are too." She said looking at the dark bags under his eyes and is slumped demeanor.

"Before you go Hermione, is everything alright? What's wrong? You didn't seem yourself today."

Harry looked at her intently. Hermione had to fight back tears. She had forgotten she had not told him...probably because she was too worried about HIM being so down. And yet even though he had so much angst going on in his conscience and he did not seem himself, he still asked about her.

"Oh I am fine Harry, she said meekly." "I'll be alright... whats been wrong with you?"

Harry paled as she asked him and he muttered "I'm fine...I asked about you."

Harry's stare seemed to bore into her eyes because he knew she was lying when she said she was fine. Hermione just could not bring herself to tell him yet. Not with everything going on with him, she felt like her problems were not even worth being upset over...but yet they were somehow. She did not want to leave Harry. She didn't know how he would take it. She was one of his best friends after all...and then she would be another one close to him that he would lose. She looked away...

"I'm fine Harry...really," she stammered hating herself for lying to him.

"Goodnight Harry..." said Hermione as she gave him a hug and a rub on the back.

She had not noticed that Harry had taken a smell of her hair as she pulled away, and he felt guilty about it and wasn't quite sure why he felt like he wanted to smell it in the first place...but he caught a whif of it as she went in to hug him and the smell made him feel safe for some reason. He waved and she went off into the girls dormitory. Harry walked by Ron, patted him on the back and thanked him for the party but he was just so tired he had to go to bed. Ron, having had quite a few butter beers replied rather loudly...

"OKAY HARRY! HEE HEE! HEY GUYS...GUYS...LOOK LOOK...I LOVE THIS GUY! I DO! I LOVE HIM! EVERYONE LOVES HIM! OF COURSE! HE'S FUCKIN' HARRY POTTER! HERE'S TO HARRY! THE GREATEST FRIEND A GUY COULD ASK FOR!"

"HERE, HERE!" Everyone chimed in.

Extremely embarrassed and now red, Harry did a slight wave and a half smile half grimmace and patted Ron on the back and walked up to his room...a little angry at the fact that Ron rubbed it in that he was "fucking Harry Potter" and "everyone loved him. Little did Ron know that even he, Harry, did not love himself...and he no longer wanted to be Harry Potter.

XxX

Hermione was laying in her fresh new sheets in the girls dormitory. It felt great to be back and away from all the drama at home... It was even better this year because they all had their own rooms due to recent renovation. Apparently all the guys were still in someone's room right beside her partying it up and even though she heard a lot of bumping and wrestling around through the wall in the boys dormitory she was still glad to be there. She heard Ron's distinctively loud burp and she laughed. She felt safe for some odd reason... and hearing their laughter made her smile...made her feel like maybe something could turn out right. Even so, she was not going to be getting much sleep tonight...not until the guys went to bed anyway. Finally around 3:00am she heard no more. As she was drifting off to sleep she began to hear loud groaning and quick panting. "Oh great" she thought to herself. "Someone is apparently having some fun tonight" as she rolled her eyes she turned over to put the pillow over her head when the groaning turned into sounds of crying. Then she heard the voice mutter,

"NO! I can't...I don't want to do this anymore...just let everything be normal again...stop! I DON'T WANT TO BE HUMAN! I'VE SEEN ENOUGH! I WANT IT TO END! SHE KILLED SIRIUS! ILL KILL HER! SIRIUS NO! PLEASE STOP! NO! YOU'RE ALL I HAVE! GOD DAMN IT! Then she heard the sobbing again and the moaning and groaning.

"Oh, Harry..." she thought to herself sadly. Then she heard a hit against the wall and more tossing and turning. She couldn't bear to hear him like this so she threw on a robe, grabbed her wand, and tip toed out of the girls dormitory and over to the guys side. When she got to the door she realized it was locked.

" Alohomora" she whispered and it slowly creaked open.

She wasn't sure how long it was going to take to find Harry's room out of everyone elses until she heard him whimper again. She carefully stepped over some people passed out on the floor and shaking her head she found his room. She slowly opened his door and found him twisted up in his sheets jerking about and sweating terribly. He began to shout again...

"CEDRIC! No no no no...I'm sorry...its all my fault...I'm sorry Cedric no...get to the portkey...get to the portkey...NO! HE'S BACK! SOMEONE BELIEVE ME! I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...Mr. Diggory...I'm sorry...I never meant for this..." Then more tears.

Hermione felt as though someone had punched her in the stomach...she had to fight back tears herself. Slowly she went over to him and he was breathing very heavily and she could see his eyes under his lids rapidly moving about. She was a little afraid to touch him, she didn't know how he would respond. Lightly she rubbed his arm and jerked her hand back because he was terribly hot and wet.

"Harry..." she spoke timidly "Harry please wake up" this time she rubbed his hair and moved it out of his eyes and she saw his scar was extremely red.

His eyes fluttered open and he jerked up and crazily looked around the room. Then he promptly proceeded to vomit on the side of the bed right where Hermione was standing before she jumped out of the way. Disgusted with himself Harry looked at Hermione,

"Hermione...um...I am really sorry...er...must have been too much butter beer..."

Hermione just shook her head and took out her wand it said, " Deletrius" and it instantly vanished. She handed him his glasses.

She knew Harry barely had anything to drink that night and it probably had something to do with his dreams...and his scar.

"Thanks..." Harry muttered. "Wh-what are you doing in here?" Harry exclaimed obviously embarrassed.

"I heard you...I heard you um...in my room when I was trying to sleep."

She did not want to say, "I heard you screaming your dead stepfathers and Cedric's name and sobbing.

"Sorry Hermione...if I woke you up I really didn't mean to...I guess I was dreaming again... I'm alright" he finished lamely

"Are you sure you're alright? You were really worked up...and look at you, You're soaking wet, your sheets are soaking wet..."

"I did NOT wet myself!" Harry interjected huffily...remembering his little announcement at the party earlier.

"I KNOW!" Hermione said rolling her eyes but she could not hold back a smirk, you're just sweating a lot because you're bloody on fire! Are you ill?"

A towel appeared out of nowhere and she wiped his face with it.

"No... I'm not ill," Harry said though he knew he sure felt like it every time he had dreamt...which was about every single night. Then he felt a sort of admiration for Hermione as she just magically made a towel appear out of nowhere...smart girl.

His dreams did make him sick. Seeing Sirius fall over, and over again and seeing Cedric's dead body...and him carrying it back to his father. Seeing his parents...seeing the disgusting body of Voldemort..

"Harry...are you going to be sick again?"

He snapped out of it.

"No...sorry about that...earlier...I'll warn you next time."

"No its really alright...I under..." and she stopped herself.

She knew he would be angry with her if she said she understood. Because nobody understood. Nobody could. Harry had been through more in his lifetime than anyone at Hogwarts except for maybe Neville...but even still she felt as though she had no right to say it. Harry looked down.

"Are you going to be alright?" she asked...knowing what his answer would be.

"Of course, " Harry said unconvincingly. "Just go back to sleep, I'm sorry. Really please just go back to your room and I will see you tomorrow before lessons."

"But Harry..."

"I'm FINE Hermione!"

After shouting Harry felt guilty

Hermione nodded seeing as Harry had closed back up again and turned to walk out of the room.

"Hermione," Harry said softly...

She turned around secretly hoping he would ask her to stay.

"Thanks..."

"Of course Harry...I'll always be here for you."

When she realized what she said she wanted to kill herself because she knew this may not be true and she did not want to get his hopes up.

"Goodnight Harry," she whispered as she walked out of the room...not knowing that Harry too wanted her to stay and he didn't know why.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of his buddies :o(

THANK YOU GUYS FOR REVIEWING!

Chapter 4

Harry awoke that next morning with a terrible headache...which he knew was not from the butterbeer the previous night. His scar had been hurting so much lately and he wasn't sure whether it was from pure exhaustion from lack of sleep, or if there was something coming that he should be worried about. He hoped for the latter. He fought an inner battle with himself as to whether or not he should get out of his bed. He wished he could sleep forever...if he could actually get decent sleep. He liked being in the dark and safe under his blankets...away from everyone and their apologies, their questions and their sympathizing glances. Why was it when he actually had to get out of bed he felt he could actually get some rest? Since today was the first day of lessons he decided he should probably make an appearance, though he was truly dreading it. Harry got up and dressed quickly, not caring what he looked like. He knew there would be rumors and questions asked. He knew today would most likely be the hardest day for him. The first day back after all that had happened. Even though he had been around everyone last night, most of them were his closest friends who did not ask anything of him, though he did see a few whispers. Today would be the day he would have to face the whole school. Harry frankly did not give a damn what he looked like. Nothing really mattered anymore. He looked at himself in the mirror and hardly recognized the young man in front of him. Not only had he grown over the summer and filled out a bit, but his hair was longer...and also sticking up everywhere from tossing and turning all night. He just looked tired and worn...like a man, a man who had been through a hard life. He had dark circles under his eyes, and his piercing green eyes, though still vibrant looked as though they had no emotion left in them. "Boy dont I look a bloody mess..." Harry thought to himself. He did not care, and after attempting to tie his tie (he could not accomplish this task this morning for some reason... his fingers did not seem to work) it hung loosely off of his neck. Trembling a bit from nerves, he shuffled down to the Great Hall for breakfast...hoping to avoid eye contact and to not speak to anyone.

XxX

Hermione had a bit of a better morning though she did not get much sleep that night. She was extremely worried about Harry and she kept hearing him tossing and turning all night. Not to mention the fact that today was the first day of lessons...though unlike any other year, she wasn't as concerned with class. For some reason, her heart wasn't in it. What did it matter if she was not to come back? Why should she push herself when it didn't even matter anymore. She wouldn't be here next term anyway...unless she found some way to convince her parents to let her stay, though she had no idea how. Hermione looked outside and wondered if the fact that it was miserably cloudy outside was some sort of foreshadowing of the day to come for her. She quickly dressed and got her school bag together and headed off to breakfast. She hurried out of the common room hoping to catch Harry and Ron at breakfast so they could compare their classes and she quite literally smacked right into Harry who looked quite disheveled. He apparently was not paying attention and had his head down and he ran right into Hermione causing her to drop her bag and all of her books and parchment fell onto the ground.

"Bloody Hell..." he muttered, shaking his head and grimmacing to himself. Harry bent down to help her pick up her things.

"Sorry about that Hermione..." Harry began, not wanting to look her in the eyes. He was embarrassed about last night.

"No, no its alright Harry..." Hermione replied brushing her hair out of her face trying to pick up everything. She too was a little timid to look at him because she could feel the tension in the air...she knew he felt awkward so she tried to lighten it up. Harry looked up at her and she smiled at him. He tried to smile back as he gave her the last piece of parchment. She brushed her hand with his as she took it from him and for some reason it made her hand tingle. Ignoring this, Hermione could tell his smile was a forced smile and it hurt her to look into his eyes and see no emotion whatsoever. He looked very tired...though for some reason she noticed Harry looked a lot different. Maybe he aged because of all the stress...but he actually looked handsome while looking terrible at the same time. She felt guilty for finding him being miserable as attractive but he looked much more mature. Harry could tell by the look of her face that she had noticed he was different...though he didn't know she was thinking he was handsome. He thought she was only noticing the fact that he looked like he hadn't slept in weeks and immediately wished he had tried to comb his hair of tuck in his shirt...

"But why..." he thought. "It's just Hermione..."

Harry felt his cheeks flush and felt ridiculous for it. He didn't feel like giving an explanation as to why he looked a mess so he muttered,

"Well is that everything then?" and nodded at her bag

Hermione merely nodded, not noticing he was blushing... and with that they both walked silently out of the common room and toward the Great Hall.

XxX

As they were walking side by side, Hermione felt Harry tense up a great deal as they walked into the Great Hall together and instantly felt badly for him. Harry thought to himself, "Well, this is it..." and hoped to Merlin Hermione could not hear his heart hammering inside his chest, because he was sure she would be able to...it was ringing in his ears. He felt as if everyone stopped what they were doing to stare at him. Harry trembled a bit and tried to control it...hoping nobody would see. He felt Hermione lightly squeeze his arm and he felt a bit better. Together they walked over to the Gryffindor table.

"Really!" Hermione whispered to Harry as they walked toward the table.

"You would think people would act a bit more..." a little first year gasped and began whispering to the boy beside her as Harry and Hermione walked by their table... "TACTFUL!" she snapped at the first two first years who promptly stopped whispering. Even as nervous and uncomfortable as he felt, he smirked a little at Hermione and the fact that the first years were scared of her.

"I saw that Harry..." Hermione said smiling..she was so relieved and glad to see that smirk too.

Hermione immediately regretted saying anything because Harry's smirk faded, and he looked down and gave a slight nod as they finally got over to the table. Harry felt like it was an eternity. After sitting down he looked around him and noticed that as soon as he looked up, everyone jerked around and pretended to be talking to the people beside them. Rolling his eyes, and sighing Harry picked up a sweet roll and tried to eat it. He felt sick to his stomach and his throat was so dry he was sure he would choke when trying to swallow it.

He gazed at the wall in front of him and Hermione noticed he had seemed to totally close up into himself. She HATED to see him like this, though she continued to look at him...hoping he would turn to her and make a joke, or make fun of Ron for stuffing his face, or do something ordinary.

He could feel Hermione looking at him intently during the whole meal, and when he looked up at her she jumped...he knew she wanted to make sure he was okay but he didn't feel like hearing one of her lectures...though he knew it would be for his own good. He loved how she was always doing the right thing and was right.

"Wait a minute..." he thought to himself, "Since when do I like Hermione's lectures..."

Even so, he didn't feel up to explaining anything to anyone so he tried to intently concentrate on Ron stuffing his face. He laughed to himself as he began thinking...

"I could never let anything happen to them...I won't worry them with what I know I have to do. I don't want them in on it...I know they would be willing to do anything for me and to go with me, but it will be too dangerous... I thought I'd lost them the last time at the ministry because of my own stupidity...Hermione went with me even though she thought I was wrong...she stayed by my side...until she got hurt. I thought Hermione was really dead...and I don't want to be the cause of anyone elses death..." as soon as that thought crossed his mind he felt a stinging in the back of his eyes.

Hermione had been watching him the whole time.

"Harry..." she whispered and touched his shoulder.

He couldn't take it.

"I'll see you lot in class..." he said in a strangled voice. Hermione looked at Ron pleadingly and Ron looked at Harry and went to grab his arm...but it was too late. Harry grabbed his things and stormed out of the Great Hall before anyone could see him cry...causing a sudden murmur among all of the students who had also been watching him intently.

After getting out of there Harry gasped for air...he had just realized he was holding his breath. He leaned his forehead against the cold stone wall and took a few deep breaths to calm himself because he was shaking. The stinging in his eyes and the pit feeling in his stomach lessened though he still felt sick. This was going to be much harder than he thought...and he debated whether or not to go back into bed and lay there for the rest of the day. "I'd rather go sit through Snapes class then dream again..." he thought bitterly to himself. Harry slowly made his way down to the dungeons for potions, and just then realized he had no idea whether or not Ron or Hermione were in there with him...a part of him hoped they were, and another part of him wished he could just sit in the corner alone and not be bothered by anyone...he thought briefly that maybe if he isolated himself from them, they would leave him alone. Then he would know for sure they would be safe because they weren't associated with him...and he didn't care if they hated him...at least they would be okay and he wouldn't be ruining anyone elses life...he knew this would be a hard thing to do and wasn't sure if it was even a good idea. With that, Harry laid his head on the table and waited for the others to arrive.

XxX

Everyone in the Great Hall continued to whisper after Harry had left...a few of the first years had a petrified look on their face. Apparently rumors had begun. Hermione looked at Ron and back at everyone else. She didn't know what to do.

"Should we run after him?" Ron whispered to her also looking around the Great Hall at all their classmates who continued to whisper even more when he caught sight of them...where they talking about him as well...?

"That may make an even bigger scene...don't you think?" Hermione continued to give everyone around her dirty looks as she whispered back. She knew they really were talking about all of them who were at the Ministry. Harry, Ron, Neville, Luna, Herself, Ginny...

Just when Hermione had opened her mouth and was going to stand up, a beautiful redheaded girl stood up with pure anger in her face.

"JUST SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU! SHUT UP! NONE OF YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY HAPPENED! QUIT WITH THE BLOODY RUMORS BECAUSE I AM SURE YOU ARE ALL WRONG! NONE OF YOU HAVE ANY RIGHT TO JUDGE ANY OF US! ESPECIALLY HARRY! HE MAY BE THE VERY ONE THAT CAN SAVE YOU ALL! BUT NO! YOU ARE JUST GOING TO SIT THERE AND WHISPER BULLSHIT TO EACHOTHER! ...STOP!"

Ginny Weasley had just completely caused caused a scene...she hoped it would work...but no. After they had all looked at her stunned...there was even more whispers. Hermione and Ron looked at her as if she were completely mental. This was so unlike Ginny just to stand up and scream like that to the entire school. Even so, they were thankful. Neville was grinning at her from ear to ear and when she looked at him her face blushed a deeper shade of red than her hair and she sat down still fuming. Hermione thought she saw Neville pat her on the back and then go on to give her a hug to calm Ginny's heaving shoulders. Ginny was crying. Hermione stood right up and grabbed Ron by his arm and marched right over to Ginny. She gave her a huge hug and stated a very loud "THANK YOU!" and she looked at everyone around her. She was very proud of Ginny and she could tell Ron was too by the way he looked after he hugged her. He walked away with his chest puffed out. Stiffiling a giggle, Hermione followed him out of the Great Hall for the first lesson of the day...which was potions, she hoped Harry was in there with them so she could report Ginny's doings and hopefully get a smile out of him.

XxX

Harry was dreaming again. First he was in a house and he heard a snake, and then a flash of green and he cried out because he began to feel pain in his scar. Suddenly, he was once again, walking through the grave yard and he came across Cedric Diggory's body. He collapsed beside him and tried to wake him but he was cold and stiff. Then he felt someone grab him and throw him into a tomb stone...and then the pain was so unbearable in his head he thought he was going to vomit. He cried out in pain and began thrashing around in his dream. He saw Voldemorts disgusting fetus like body drop into the cauldron...Harry was begininng to feel dizzy from the pain. He then was suddenly walking through the Ministry and he heard Sirius' voice. He ran to it and got there just in time to see him fall. "NO!" Harry screamed.Then something else happened in his dream that had never occured before. He was in a muggle house and he heard insane laughter and screams of terror. He began to run up the stairs to try and save them...whoever those muggles were..."no more death...please...no more..." he thought to himself. Suddenly there was another bright light and it felt as though someone had taken a metal bat to his head. He screamed in agony as the torturer came upon him..."Harry!" he screamed...though it sounded strangely like a female voice...again he yelled "Harry!" this time it sounded as if two voices were coming out of one mouth...if you could call it a mouth. Then Voldemort went to grab his arm and for some odd reason...began to shake him. Harry let out a yell and reached for his wand to get him off of him.

Harry fell out of his desk sweating and shaking uncontrollably. He jumped up with his wand in his hand and was face to face with two very scared Gryffindors staring at him. The voices he had heard were Hermione and Ron's...and the hands shaking him were Hermiones. Thank Merlin he woke up before he tried to jinx her. They had seen the whole thing, he was jerking and thrashing about...and muttering and moaning. Much like the previous night where Hermione had heard him.

Harry was shaking violently and was panting. He gave Hermione and Ron an apologetic look and he laid his gaze on his classmates behind them. They all looked extremely frightened. Then he heard a drawling voice out of the crowd.

"Potter's a nutter..Did little Potty have a bad dream? Did the big mean Dark Lord take your low life of a godfather's life away again? And again... And again...Look at you Potter you're a basket case...You..."

Before Malfoy could finish his sentence he was on the ground screaming in pain. Ron had full out punched him in the face. Nobody made a sound...except for Malfoy, who said in between screams of pain,

"Who do I sound like screaming like a bitch? That's right...I sound like POTTER! Only I'm not screaming from some stupid nightmare..."

And Harry snapped.

He hadn't felt this much rage since Sirius died. But now he could take all of his pain out on someone. All the pent up anger and depression he felt for all those who had loved him that were now gone. Harry threw his wand on the ground and in less than 2 seconds was on top of Malfoy beating him to a pulp. They began to roll around on the ground.

"You... ASSHOLE! YOU FILTHY GIT! SORRY SON OF A BITCH! I HATE YOU!" Harry screamed at him as he continued to punch him all over...anywhere he could get his fists in. "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOUR FATHER ! I HATE EVERYONE!" Draco flipped Harry onto his back and got in one good punch and Harry's nose immediately began to bleed as he cried out in pain...this fed his addrenaline even more. He flipped Draco over and straddled him as he began to let him have it as hard as he possibly could. Harry didn't even feel the pain in his wrists, fists, or nose anymore...it felt so good to beat something to a bloody pulp. To make someone feel as badly as he did on the inside. He was frightening himself because this was so unlike him to be so violent and to have so much hatred. Harry grabbed Draco's wrist seeing him go for his wand. Harry was twisting it in a frightful way and it looked as if it were about to snap in half. Hermione noticed Harry's eyes had a blazing, fierce look in them... Draco screamed out in agony.

"HARRY NO! STOP!" he heard Hermione shriek. She had never seen Harry like this. She was extremely frightened and began to cry. Dean was holding Ron back from going in there to help Harry...this was Harry's fight.

"THAT IS ENOUGH!" Harry heard the voice of Dumbledore and immediately jumped off of Draco. He could not look at anyone and chest heaving, he ran from the room pushing everyone out of his way as he went...not that there were that many. Many people jumped out of his way, everyone was frightened. Usually Harry was calm, kind, and quiet. Snape had rushed into the room just as Harry was running out...Harry even shoved Snape...and the look on his face was priceless. Hermione and Ron ran after him but only Hermione made it out. By the time Ron came by Snape had regained his composure after being shoved by Harry Potter...a student... and he grabbed Ron by the shoulder and pushed him back into the classroom. Hermione hardly noticed because she had one thing on her mind...get to Harry.

XxX

Harry heard his footsteps echo throughout the castle and heard is staggered breaths as he ran through to get outside. He had to get out...He burst through the door and he ran toward the lake. As soon as he collapsed on the ground to his knees he heard thunder and then came the pouring rain. Thankful for it, Harry raised his face to the sky to rinse off some of the blood, and tried to breathe.

Hermione was frantically running after him. She felt like her chest was going to explode...she couldn't breathe very well because she was crying, and Harry was just too fast.

"Should I really be running to him...he said he hated EVERYONE," she thought to herself. She was scared of how he would react. "Maybe he didn't mean what he said when he claimed he hated everyone. He was just angry...hopefully he's calmed down..."

"This is Harry..." she argued. "My best friend. He would never hurt me...physically at least..." She knew it would kill her if he shunned her away again. She had made up her mind as she got to the door. She had to be there for him...no matter how hard it would be. He needs someone.

As she walked out she realized it was pouring down rain and found it hard to see. Hermione looked everywhere for Harry...and then she saw him kneeling beside the lake with his face up to the sky. Hermione slowly walked over to him...she shivered. It was freezing...but there was something about the way Harry looked with his face to the sky, soaked from the rain. Droplets were dripping down his chin and his hair was matted to his forhead. With each sharp breath he took she could see his breath when he exhaled because it was so cold. Harry lowered his face into his hands, and then ran both his hands through his hair...which made it stick up again. Hermione smiled slightly and continued to walk toward him.

"H-Harry..." she barely whispered.

He whirled around to face her and immediately felt badly about her coming out here to find him. She was soaking wet and shivering but for some reason he thought she looked beautiful."Maybe because my emotions are on high right now...or I am just thankful to see someone who cares enough to come after me..." he thought. He could tell she had been crying and she was cold... and he wanted to go and put his arm around her to warm her...but he didn't want to do anything to bring anyone closer to him. In his mind, the second he got close to someone and cared for them, something happens to them and they are gone from him...he ruins the life of everyone he comes in contact with. He did NOT want this to happen to Hermione...he had to push her away.

"Just go Hermione..." Harry began

It was Hermione's turn to be angry.

"NO! I'M NOT! I AM WORRIED ABOUT YOU HARRY! I CARE FOR YOU! I WANT TO BE THERE FOR YOU! YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND! IT HURTS ME SO BADLY TO SEE YOU SO MISERABLE! WHEN I LOOK AT YOU, YOUR EYES! YOUR BEAUTIFUL EYES ARE DEAD! THERE IS NO EMOTION LEFT! YOU ARE SHUT DOWN! YOU CONSTANTLY LOOK TIRED! WHAT ARE YOU HIDING? I KNOW YOU'RE KEEPING SOMETHING FROM ME...FROM RON...FROM EVERYONE! QUIT BEING SO DAMNED SELFISH AND LET US HELP! WHY WON'T YOU SHARE THE BURDEN WITH PEOPLE WHO WANT TO HELP YOU!"

Hermione slapped him. Hard. Across his face her chest heaving...eyes glaring. She was so angry with him she could spit nails.

Harry had stood up and got right in her face...he looked extremely angry. She immediately wished she hadn't of slapped him but she wanted some kind of emotion from him and she couldn't contain herself. They continued to glare at eachother for what seemed like hours.

XxX

Pleaaassssseeee REVIEW:o) Thanks!


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Harry Potter...except for the books, movies, video games, posters, errr...

Chapter 5

_Hermione slapped him. Hard. Across his face, her chest heaving...eyes glaring. She was so angry with him she could spit nails._

_Harry had stood up and got right in her face...he looked extremely angry. She immediately wished she hadn't of slapped him but she wanted some kind of emotion from him and she couldn't contain herself. They continued to glare at eachother for what seemed like hours._

XxX

Their faces were inches apart...Hermione was not going to back down this time. She stared intently into his eyes...which she wasn't quite sure, but...

she thought they were starting to tear up.

"Surely its the rain..." she thought. She had only seen Harry cry once...and that was when Cedric died. For some reason he made a point not to cry in front of others.

Harry could feel a lump rise up in his throat. He did not want to back down but she was right. He could not believe she had slapped him but he felt he deserved it...he wanted badly to talk about it with her...to tell her everything. But that would cause her worry and put her in danger...because he knew she would not leave his side. He looked at her concerned and angry face and couldn't take it anymore. Thoughts of Sirius, Cedric, his past, his present, his destiny...all ran through his mind...he needed to tell someone...it had to be her.

Taking a shaky breath, Harry began to tell her all that he had been hiding since Sirius' death, and all that Dumbledore had told him. It flowed out of him and he spoke quickly because he was scared if he paused he wouldn't be able to go on..he did not stop until he was completely finished. When he was done, he stared into her eyes intently waiting on her reaction.

Unable to control it Hermione gasped and brought her hands up to her mouth..."Then...y-you're the...chosen one...it's you...oh Harry..."

And with that Harry collasped into her feeling weak as if he had just given her everything he had by telling her all that he had been holding inside for so long. He held on to her for dear life and let the tears fall.

Startled, Hermione almost dropped him but she steadied herself and held on tight, stroking his hair. She felt his sobs hammer through his body. She slowly bent down to the ground and he went with her and she cradled him in her arms and rocked him back and forth trying to sooth him. She began to cry as well. It hurt her so badly to see him this way, and she wished she never had to leave him. She could never leave him alone. She couldn't believe this...it had to be either him or Voldemort to die...and he had to be the one to do it...he had to be the one in the final battle...everyone's life rested on his shoulders...his 16 year old shoulders...Hermione never felt more despair for anyone than she felt for Harry at that moment and she squeezed him tighter.

Harry still continued to sob uncontrollably. He couldn't stop. He tried gasping for air but he couldn't. All of this had been inside him for so long. It felt so good to be comforted and felt safe while Hermione cradled him. He heard her hiccup from crying and only then did he look up at her face.

"I-I'm so sorry Hermione...I didn't mean to...its just I...I don't know..I don't want you in this...I can't lose you...I can't lose anyone else to death...I don't want this responsibility anymore...I hate myself...I hate my life. I want to be normal! I hate being Harry Potter! I AM SICK OF IT! I DON'T WANT TO BE HUMAN ANYMORE! I JUST WANT EVERYTHING TO END BUT NO! IT'S UP TO ME! NO PRESSURE RIGHT? IT IS UP TO ME TO SAVE EVERYONE! IT'S ALWAYS BEEN UP TO ME! WHY THE FUCK ME! WHY DID I HAVE TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR IT? IT COULD HAVE BEEN NEVILLE! BUT NO...! I WANT TO BE A NORMAL STUPID TEENAGER! I AM SICK OF EVERYONE STARING AT ME HERMIONE! I AM SICK OF EVERYONE LOOKING AT MY SCAR AND WHISPERING! I AM SICK OF EVERYONE THINKING THEY KNOW ME AND MY WHOLE LIFE STORY! I AM SICK OF RUMORS AT THIS SCHOOL! I AM SICK OF MALFOY! I KNOW WHEN I GO BACK INTO THAT CASTLE I WILL BE THE TALK OF THE SCHOOL FOR MONTHS! UNTIL ANOTHER STUPID THING I DO GETS OUT! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE HERMIONE, I JUST CAN'T! I AM TIRED OF FEELING RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYONES DEATH CAUSED BY VOLDEMORT! YOU ALMOST DIED! RON ALMOST DIED! EVERYONE ALMOST DIED IN THE MINISTRY BECAUSE OF ME!

"Don't Harry...please..." Hermione started frightened at the way he was screaming shrilly at her...almost as if in an insane and crazed manner.

"Don't you go feeling guilty..."

"NO BUT I DO HERMIONE! I FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING I COME IN CONTACT WITH I DESTROY! I DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE AROUND YOU AND RON ANYMORE BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO CAUSE ANYMORE TROUBLE! I CAN'T LOSE YOU! BUT I CAN'T STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM YOU! I CAN'T DO THAT! I AM TOO SELFISH! I CAN'T EVEN DO THAT RIGHT! I CAN'T DISTANCE MYSELF AWAY FROM EITHER OF YOU BECAUSE I...I NEED YOU!" MY ONLY STRENGTH AGAINST VOLDEMORT IS MY ONLY DOWNFALL! I LOVE TOO DAMN MUCH! AND I LOVE! I LOVE DEEPLY, PASSIONATELY! HOW IS THIS GOING TO HELP ME HERMIONE! IT JUST CAUSES ME TO HURT PEOPLE!

Hermione didn't know what to say and felt there was really nothing to say at this point. Nobody could understand how he felt but him...she wanted to badly to protect him and to make everything alright...during their entire friendship she has always worried about him and cared for him and always made sure he was okay. So now she did all she could do...as fresh tears began to fall from his eyes he sobbed more and he took off his glasses and pressed his palms into them to make the tears stop. Hermione took his hands in hers and held them tight. Harry wouldn't look at her but at the ground. His shoulders rising and falling heavily as he tried to catch his breath. He continued to cry and gasp for air. She slowly let go of his hands and brought her hands to the sides of his face and made him look up at her. She brought his head down and kissed the top of his head softly and brought him in for a hug... but Harry felt like he had never felt before.

He had this sudden strong urge to do something drastic. He felt so good to let this all out...and so thankful for Hermione that she was there and let him talk and did not try to think of any plans of action...or what book they would need to look at in the library to help with his situation. She just let him be and listened to him vent and get it all out. He had never opened up to anyone before...yet he just opened up to her and it felt great...though he was still terrified of his fate. He stopped her when she tried to pull him into her and he looked her right in the eye. He felt terrible for upsetting her and making her cry...even so she looked beautiful and he could not believe he had never noticed until then. Her hair as hanging in ringlets and water was dripping off of her curls into her face. Her eyes looked shining and beautiful with tears brimming at the edges and he knew what he wanted to do at that moment. He wasn't sure why but the emotion hit him full force...she actually cared for him. With her hands still on the sides of his face he gently cupped her face and let his fingers tangle up in her hair...

"Thank you...Hermione..." he said breathily "Thank you for always being here for me...when we were kids, last night, right now...and I know in the future..." he whispered... Trembling slightly, he closed his eyes, leaned in, and kissed her softly and tenatively...not knowing how she would react.

Hermione felt like there were electric currents pulsing through her entire body when she felt his soft lips press into hers. She closed her eyes and let herself enjoy it...in disbelief it was actually happening...

Harry slowly pulled away from her and he looked extremely nervous. His cheeks flushed and this time Hermione noticed and her cheeks followed suit. They both still had each others faces cuped in their hands when they heard someone running down the stone steps...it was Ron.

Ron saw them cupping eachother's face and felt a twinge of jealousy. "Surely not..." he thought. "Don't be a git...she is just trying to comfort him...she always does that."

Guilt surged through Hermione's body...she had told him on the train she did not want a relationship...because she did not want to be close to anyone...and now look at her. Hermione didn't know how she was going to explain it because she wasn't sure herself as to why she didn't mind Harry doing it. She hoped to Merlin he did not see.

Harry felt suddenly guilty as well. Ron was his best mate. He knew Ron had liked Hermione since Fourth year...and probably even longer before that...and he had betrayed his trust...and probably put Hermione in a position she did not want to be in.

"Harry..." Ron said breathlessly...he apparently had been running. "Are you alright mate? You had me so worried...I'm sorry I couldn't come out here with Hermione, but that bloody git Snape grabbed me and pulled me back into the classroom...and you should've seen Malfoy's face..."

Hermione and Harry both let out their breath they had been holding and relaxed. He had not seen...but how would they tell him? Would they tell him? Was there anything to tell or was it just a comforting kiss that did not mean anything except that they were friends comforting eachother.

The way Hermione felt before, during, and after that kiss sure didn't make it feel like it was a friendly thing...little did she know Harry felt the same way.

XxX


End file.
